In Which We Get Poetic (Ish)

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Look! It's not a Blog Every Day in May post! That will come later, but for now, I thought I'd entertain you all with the haiku that I wrote over the last two days while I was being held captive in that horribly boring training. Mind you, these haiku were not meant to be poetic masterpieces... they were simply written to help maintain my sanity, haha.

Clinical Research Coordinator Training Haiku

Emily said write
So I am writing haikus
About this training

I know this info
Simply from doing my job
Why am I here now?

On the sixteenth floor
Is the Ninth Circle of Hell
CRC Training

The best part of this
Is the free breakfast and lunch
Fruit trays are yummy

The fire alarm
Is really adding something
To this painful day

My brain is melting
Because this is so boring
Someone save me, please

Does this presenter
Really not know Jeopardy?
What year is she from?

Is it lunch time yet?
I may shortly go insane
Listening to this

I might kill myself
If this training was my job
It is just that dumb

I don't need to hear
All these personal stories
About your subjects

Sandwiches are here
Ninety minutes until lunch
I might not make it

Panel discussions
And forced group activities
Are so tortuous

I am so hungry
I may consume my own arm
Before 12:30

I turned my phone off
To conserve battery life
Times are desperate

Research is fraught with
Too many acronyms
It's alphabet soup

Acryonyms that don't
Use all of the first letters
Are really stupid

Useless metaphors
Don't really help anyone
They have to make sense

This is so boring
The Geneva Conventions
Should have outlawed it

Research Billing Plans
Are so painfully boring
I don't need this skill

It is a good thing
That these windows are plate glass
Otherwise, I'd jump

Thank God there's a seat
Near this electric outlet
Or my phone would die

Why is this lady
Reading her PowerPoint slides?
Amateur mistake


To file under
Things I Do Not Need to Know:
This entire day

They are trying hard
But nothing will make this fun
Unless I can nap

There is no dessert
Which seems quite cruel and unfair
I want a cookie

The pregnant lady
Is rubbing her huge belly
Please don't give birth here

Dessert has appeared
Oreo fudgey brownies
Far too sweet... ew gross

Ninety minutes of
IRB education
Is far too many

Trying to French braid
My own hair while sitting here
Too many layers

This final hour
Is dragging painfully slow
I want to escape

I am never hot
And this room is so stuffy
That I want to cry

The girl next to me
Is doodling horse pictures
We're all losing it

So close to the end
I can almost taste freedom
Get me out of here!

Day Two of training
Can't be as bad as Day One
Oh wait, no, it's worse

My autocorrect
Changed "morning" to "Leningrad"
What the hell happened?

Our lunch is delayed
There will soon be a riot
Give me a sandwich!

My autocorrect
Changed "sandwich" to "sunfish"
That was a weird choice

My turkey sandwich
Had a weird, mottled, color
In the trash it went

And there's my experience in training in haiku form. SO glad I never have to do that again...

- A





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